Comments for The Imani Flow

Comment on Color Blinds and Relationships by mom

mom — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:40:33 +0000

As salaamu alaiykum, baby,

liked the blog. Thought you made some good points. My only addition would be that the belief that “each race has its place” and you should “stick with your own” reflects a specific societal headset that even the Supreme Court struck down in Loving v the State of Virginia (I think it was Virginia — and I think it was mid 60s) where a biracial couple was not permitted to marry because they were of different races…….And you know how we don’t like to cross those color lines…… Even the Supreme Court knew that prohibition was wrong.

While I appreciate that, for a woman of color, a brother that “got away” or “crossed over to the other side” (i.e., hooked up with the enemy/ someone white) is an affront, I would argue that you are attracted to whoever you are attracted to. It is the person you should be attracted to, not their race. Whole groups of folks should not be ruled out or in as potential mates simply because they do/ don’t have the right skin tone. That smacks of racism to me and reflects the Old South/ Old Headset of a drop of “negro” blood in an offspring forever classifying the offspring as black. Or, to flip it, it would be similar to the Nazi headset of the chosen race polluting itself if one of “their women” lies with a “lesser race” (and, of course, their race is the superior race and any other race is the lesser race).

So, to summarize, it is offensive to me when “either side” (white/ black/ caucasian/ african american) repeats these biases in deciding who you are permitted to date/ marry. Call me naive but love should be blind and whether my partner is a mirror image of me racially or different I think is irrelevant. Having said that, as a white woman who married a black man 24 years ago, it was an eye opening experience because I was naive and had not really seen the subtle and not-so-subtle racism bubbling beneath the surface in America. To be treated one way when I am by myself, another way when my (very black) husband is with me. And sadly, this differential treatment is not just in society itself but in my own family of origin.

You love who you love. Hopefully it is the person, not their level of melanin that attracts you. If you rule out whole classes of people based on their race, I would argue that that reflects a historical headset which is racist and dangerous. Do we really need to go down that road some more?

Comment on Color Blinds and Relationships by Chad"Verbs"Lantz

Chad"Verbs"Lantz — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:53:19 +0000

I love it Das! So much insight from folks on this one but I would like to share my thoughts as well. I do believe there are lots of reasons folks start and continue to date outside of their race. When I was young, I lived in a town where the only folk of minority where family. Wasn’t much opportunity to date other than caucasian woman. As I hit my teens, we moved to a school district that had a lot more ethnic diversity. I never really noticed color anyway so to me it was just more options. lol. But, being bi-racial, I was constantly told that I wasn’t “Black enough”. The woman didn’t really want to date me. And considering I am a pretty easy going person, I believe that I was not treated properly in those realationships. A lot of attitude. A lot of judging. Who wants to be judge? So in my experience, I dated regardless of race but found myself completely in love with my lady of 10 years based on nothing more than a mutual respect for EACH other as human beings. I still see no color. It’s not important to me. It shouldn’t be that important to most. To each his own. But I do agree, You can’t walk around labeling people one way or another and expect them to be alright with it. If you feel that a “black” man isn’t going to take care of his kids, or isn’t going to hold a job or is a thug, hustler or whatever, well best believe he gona go a different route to stay away of those tags. BUT, let’s be honest here, Alot of dudes created that image and stick by it so it’s just as much their fault that it is such a stereotype. Love is Love! Love who loves you regardless of color. Life is 2 short to worry bout what others think. And frankly, My girl, regardless of her color or mine, is one of the most giving, caring, intelligent and outwardly beautiful woman I have ever met. I feel very fortunate to have her in my life. There is no color here. Peace and Blessings all-Verbs

Comment on Color Blinds and Relationships by Fadillah

Fadillah — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 01:27:06 +0000

I LOVE IT!! Thanks so much Das, because I am getting sick and tired of it. I was told on my birthday that I should go to the salon and get a relaxer and all that nonsense and no matter how much I told this woman that I love my natural curly hair she continued to insist. Saying “It’ll make you feel sooo pretty.”
I already feel pretty… I was so confused.
Love my natural lovely sometimes nappy curls <3

Comment on Color Blinds and Relationships by @ojosverde

@ojosverde — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 00:24:02 +0000

Basically I think we all want what we can’t or don’t have. I hear all the time from white women I’d kill to have hair like you (big curly hair). Yet all of my life I wanted straight hair. SO much so that I damaged my hair horribly trying to permanently straighten it. I use to say I’d kill for straight Indian hair but now I’ve realized I love my curly hair. Curly hair is who I am. As u mentioned though, sadly, society views straight hair as “more professional” “more acceptable”. The responses I get when my hair is straight is VERY different from when I wear my hair curly. I know if I am going to a job interview, I need to wear my hair straight. I’ll get the job. I don’t wear my hair to look more “white” or “European”. I wear my hair straight just as I would wear a suit to work rather than jeans and a t-shirt. Perception is everything when your trying to be a career woman. I’m not saying its right for people to judge based on looks but it happens and will continue to happen.

Comment on Color Blinds and Relationships by Larueski

Larueski — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:52:14 +0000

Good read Dasi! Well, to address the interacial dating, I don’t think there is an exact answer as to why it happens, well if there was an answer maybe love has no boundaries? But! I actually asked a couple black guys why they chose a white gf and surprisingly they said white women are easier to maintain. Meaning they can pretty much do what they want and she’d be like whatever and the same rules don’t apply w/ black women. Now don’t get your panties all in a bunch, this doesn’t apply to all white women these are just a few guys who obviously cannot speak on behalf of every black man w/ a white woman in the world…
Now I don’t get upset when I see interracial dating, as a matter of fact, I don’t care, to each their own! As for white men wanting to be w/ curvacious women? I don’t think a man could contest that haha…
I do however, absolutely agree w/ the comments about “popular beauty” and one could say well it’s because straightened hair is the way to go. But, straightened hair is easier to maintain for some and for others natural is the way to go b/c chemical dry your hair out and all that jazz. Untainted beauty, however, is true beauty but remember Dasi, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. BAM!!

HerStory 3/25 (sorry for the shameless pub!)

Larueski

Comment on God’s Peace! by Keila

Keila — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:46:58 +0000

Like what you’ve done with the place…keeping tabs as usual making sure you’re alive glad to see you expanding and progressing well. This made me smile. Anywho keep it up old man

Wa Alaikum Assalam,
Kacie!

Comment on God’s Peace! by chris

chris — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:03:36 +0000

yoo yoo damn i had some stuff written on here than my comp freezed up son this is like my 5th n last time trn to comment this blogg lol but yo…brokamero? thank you for makin me feel bad about my ebonics and the way i talk das i currently mad an account with rosseta stone lol im be talkin like carlton from the fresh prince for now on i dont want to be labled as this lol.